Every tear drop is a waterfall

Two days after STPM.
Today I am going to tidy up my room and keep all my books inside a box.
My sister falls sick again. My parents brought her to the doctor.
And I am HOME ALONE. Again.
I woke up at 7.30am, hang clothes, watch TV, played piano for 15 minutes maybe?
Then I am here in front of the computer and blog.

I just downloaded a song called “Every tear drop is a waterfall” by Coldplay.
After listening to this song my holiday mood came back for awhile.
Honestly I don’t understand what they are singing when I heard this song for the very first time.
But I like the rhythm and beat.
I like Chinese songs, English song and some Japanese songs too but not Korean song.
Just don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I am jealous of their good-looking face?

Part of the lyric of the song is here:
“I turn the music up,
I got my records on.
From underneath the rubble sing a rebel song.
Don't want to see another generation drop.
I'd rather be a comma, than a full stop.”

The last sentence impresses me.
Form 6 is a comma for me. =)

Another part is here.
“As we saw, oh this light
I swear you emerge blinking into
To tell me it's alright
As we soar walls
Every siren is a symphony
And every tears a waterfall.”

I become quite optimistic after listening to this part, especially when I sang with the music out of tune.
Luckily there’s no one in the house now.
“As we SSSSAAAWWW……OOOOWWHHHH this light.”
I feel satisfied at that particular moment. XD

At the last part,
“So you can hurt, hurt me bad
but still I'll raise the flag.”
Don’t worry. Currently there is no one is hurting me.
Just in case when I get hurt in future which is unlikely to happen? XD

Holiday!

I saw one of my friend’s blog. OMG, it looks so nice!
Nice drawing. Nice blog skin.
Out of boredom I am going to blog something.

Hey! STPM is history for me now.
No more books. No more study. No more Co-co activities. No more study. =)
But too bad at the same time,
No more schooling. No more chitchatting. =((
*PS: I miss the chitchatting session the most.*

Time flies so fast. One and a half year of Form 6 life is over.
And unfortunately I already start missing form 6 just after only one day!
And I still have a few months to pass.
STPM is over and yet no one asks me for outing. =(

Feel like doing something meaningful. But I can’t think of any.
I hate the feeling when I don’t use my brain for a long time,
But I hate the feeling when I “over think” and get emotional MORE!
The only I sooth myself is telling myself that
“Unlike mathematics, there’s always something that you can never solve in your life.”
It might sound a bit passive,
But that’s what I have to or forced to in other words,
This is so that I can get rid of the feel of guilt in the past.
And move on. Warh. Why suddenly I sound so emotional?

Now I start to have some inspirations. Hehe.

I want to go for mountain climbing. Any mountain will do.
It usually will calm my heart down. And my brain will feel extremely fresh.
I feel protected walking inside a mountain.
And I feel like being hugged by someone. Maybe it’s Mountain god?
And I feel like I can tell all the wrong things that I did last time.
And she will definitely listen and forgive me by keeping quiet.

I want to have a nap lying on a field. Any field will do.
If I am an element of group one and stress are valence electrons,
Then the field would provide me enough first ionization energy to ionize and oxidized spontaneously into a free uni-positively charged “Choky” ion
Move randomly in aqueous form.

A trip! Anywhere will do.
I don’t want to stay at home.
At home, “Choky” ion will be in lattice structure and unable to be a charge carrier.
I won’t let this happen!
I will pray so that someone would plan a trip and ask me to go.

I want to watch a movie with lots of actions, a comedy movie and a movie that able to make me cry. (I know there is a lot out there.)

All I have now is plan. But I need activation energy. Keke.

Old Time Story.

Old time story.

My grandma passed away.
It was a morning when I was forced to go Kepong Baru pasar with my mum.
Soon we got a call saying that grandma just passed away.
Shocked. Went to school to mohon cuti.
4 hours to Penang.
When I reached there, there was coffin with my grandma inside.
They applied face make up on her. Now, still, I don't like it.
They should let us to see her face, a face we are familiar to look at.
Which enables us to recall what she did for us last time.
During our journey back to Penang, my parents told my sister and me something I just can't forget.
"Don't cry later. So that she can go for another journey of life peacefully. Somewhere she will live a better life. Don't leave her any regret or worries."
Soon they had a session like reading letter they wrote to show their gratitude towards her.
That was disaster for my family. The content was about her dedication to the family.
Almost everyone cried. But my family and I tahan our tears so hard. Luckily we managed to do so.
That night I cried. Silently. Without being noticed.
Reminds me of her smile when we reach Penang for Chinese New Year festival. Accepting Ang Pou from her hands. And before we go back, she will give us some sweets and biscuits to eat.
Had a very special feeling. My subconscious just don't remember that she passed away.
Having many questions. Where did she go? Where's my ah ma?
I am not very close to my ah ma. But why am I having a sad feeling?
Just so strange.
Now I accepted. She has to rest. She is now heading towards another part of her life.
She needs to move on.
She did so much for us and what we should do now is give our sincere blessing to her.
May you live well. Thank you for your contribution.

下辈子，无论爱与不爱，都不会再见。

Outing plz!

Went to I-city. Yeah. A nice trip.
And the very first trip with 6B2.
some from 6B1 and 6B3. Didn't talk to them anyway. Not because of Class-ism.
But, just... no topic to talk about only la.

Went there by Wei Chun's car with Xuan Hui and Yvonne.
And Yi sen drove his car "insanely".
Talked crap... Everyone laughed.
And the consequences is used too much energy to talk crap.
Became moody. Miss my friends again.
And the scenery reminds me of my past. And my mistake i did. =(
Next time must control my "crapidity".

FULAMAK!
One week is over! And I still haven't touch my book and start doing my homework.
Cheh~ One week only ma. Still 6 more weeks! Relax la.
Cannot leh. Yumcha-ed too many times. Must control la.
What the heck la. Go with friends only ma. Somemore go mamak only. Not clubbing also.
Form 6 ma. Must study hard! I wanna get 4 flat.
Walau! Next year baru STPM la. Now study also will forget one la! Now relax next year study la! STUPID! Last minute study baru effective ma.

This conversation shows bizarreness and boredness I'm having now.
Somebody save me! I wanna go out yumcha!
With condition that there're someone who can fetch me out of here.
PLEASE!

I Need You To Understand!

Form 6! I am now in form 6. Just can't believe I'm in form 6!

Wanted to go to college but at last I still....go for form 6.

And I failed my Math T for my very first time!

Kinda upset but back to normal really fast.

And this time, my result is back to normal.

Not very good. But luckily, above average.

Had a look on her blog. Looks like she managed to live her life well.

Really well. Wish her good luck in her life.

She's in college. With her beloved friends.

Got nothing I can do but just look at her at a really far distance.

And it's hurt! =(

My mum makes me feel so upset. Just one small matter and she just refused to talk to me anymore. And it's not a big matter.

I just hope to gain some respect from you. Is that hard?

I never get angry on you for more than 5 hours.

And you just slammed the door and scolded me with no mercy.

SOB! That's good as well.

We both need some time. For me to think and for you to calm down.

I know sometimes we need to overcome some obstacles in our life. But sometime it's just not as easy as you think. It's not that simple.

And I fall in love with Travie McCoy's songs (Need you).

I need you to understand.....you you you!

Repeat repeat! Shout!

It's a great song! At least it soothes my pain for a while!

Haiz. SOB!

Just don't want to see her face! Jeez!

I wanna go out from here. But I got no car!

I will make myself a super saturated milo solution,

and pour it into my super-dehydrated brain. =)

Miss my friends! I seldom makes friends. Just don't know why.

Sick of all the insincere. AiiiiyyayayayayayA! I need something to hit!

无题

天气热死啦！家里新年囤积的汽水快要被我喝光光了，让我开始珍惜一口气喝完一罐汽水，然后无畏惧地大声打呃的快感！赞！

最近的生活有点无趣，每日的时间表几乎都是一样的。不过幸好，我能从可爱的小孩中得到一点慰籍，至少没那么无聊。不用担心，我还记得老师的伟大，没把老师们的尊严给丢光。我最喜欢看到的是，小孩与小孩之间的谈话。他们都是直接的将脑子想的说出来，直截了当，或用江湖的用词，痛快！当然有些真的很难搞，有些脾气很坏，霸道，粗鲁，蛮横，狡猾。。。。。。一不小心就说了那么多。

大伯，走了。我没哭过，不是因为我黑心，而是对他的印象不多。不过接到消息时，心里有点错愕。之前已知道大伯的病情，只是没想到那么快。他的一生，因赌博而被糟蹋了。他深受其害，但依然深陷其中。从伯母和堂姐的眼里，流露出淡淡的哀伤。他的丧礼很庄严，经费庞大。虽是这样，我觉得这丧礼没哀伤的味道，已经沦为是一种形式罢了。有些人还是在丧礼上花天酒地，聊天南地北。该做的，他们都做了。心里想的，是不是对大伯的缅怀，我不知道。我没有勇气不看他最后一面，也因工作而没送他最后一程。说这么多，都不重要了。但愿他，一路好走。

=.=

这几天，到了我妈工作的幼儿园，当了一个不称职的小小老师。第一天，刚入学的四岁小孩们，都如预期般的大哭大闹，都不肯离开从小依靠的父母的怀抱。哇哇哇！！！淅沥淅沥留下的眼泪，满脸从鼻腔喷出的鼻涕，哭肿的双眼，怪可怜的。有些恨不下心的父母不放心，一直偷偷地从窗口的缝儿看。他们以为孩子看不见，其实不然。已经“冷静”下来的小孩，望到父母又继续号啕大哭，这时就可以看到老师无奈的神情。

讲了这么多，我好像很可怜酱。其实四岁是别人In-charge的。而我，只是稍微管管六岁的小朋友，轻松得很。说几句Broken English，嘻嘻哈哈，逗他们开心，他们顽皮我骂，他们到处乱跑我抓。小朋友都很喜欢Outdoor Session，就好像我们很喜欢Pend. Jasmani一样。其实我也很喜欢。他们有些应该会崇拜我吧！因为我可以轻松地将小篮球投进对他们来说很高的篮球篮。原来，我在这里可以找回失去已久的“自傲”。

从小孩的双眸与笑容，清楚可见可爱纯真的他们。=)