Happiness or Money? ;(

Went out for a swim with BC, Yang and also Bubu yesterday since our Beloved Agong gave us a holiday. I tried so hard to swim like they were that time, but failed. But next time I will! Haha. Then Yang reminded me that I didn't blog for quite a long time.

Okay, talk about how did I do few months ago. I got my STPM result and I am quite... satisfied with it, eventhough it is not a perfect 4 flat result. What makes me surprised is that I got A for Maths T! I had a hard time cracking my head to solve math questions and I was super-duper nervous at that time. It was a nightmare and it was on my birthday too. Never mind, at least it makes my birthday so unforgetable for the very first time. *It is the first time I received a birthday card and SMS. One birthday card and one SMS would be enough for me already. THANKS!* XD

Soon after getting my result, I would have to apply for local universities. Normally people choose their courses based on their interest. Too bad I have not found my interest yet so I choose the other way round. I cancelled out all the courses that I am not interested in and this way is much much way easier for me. What is left are ENGINEERING, APPLIED PHYSICS, PURE SCIENCE. I took a long time to decide what should I apply and at the mean time, my parents kept pushing me. It annoys me and we even argued on that. Luckily it is over now. *phew*

There is something different in application system this year. Last time we have 8 choices and just throw in whatever courses you want. This time, we have 4 choices for Research U and 8 choices for what I called "less-wanted universities". You might think "Holy crap! You should be grateful that you actually have 12 choices this year." This is bullshit. For me it limits me to put only 4 choices for RUs. I aim for RU courses. Before this, I actually wanted to try for acturial sciences and engineering. However I only have 4 choices and I was in a dilemma.

ACTURIAL SCIENCES OR ENGINEERING?

For me, what enginnering attracts me is the knowledge and what acturial sciences attracts me is money. Looks like everyone wants to get into Acturial Sciences and usually only 4-flat-ers able to get a seat secured. Sometimes I imagined how my life will be in future. If I were given a chance to choose between happiness or money, which one will I choose? Quite a realistic question. Even my relative asked me to consider for taking acturial science telling me that I will be wealthy in future.
I left the question unsolved until my father insisted to show me an article on a chinese newspaper. It was about a person who pursued Acturial Sciences and earned a lot. However he was unhappy so he resigned and went for.... Sorry I forgot what he did after that. What he said is that "Choose your interest instead of money, because when you have the interest in your work, eventually you will earn a living through your work. "At last I gave up on Acturial Sciences and now I sincerely hope that I will not regret on the decision that I have made.

HAPPINESS OR MONEY?

The answer might be obvious for some people who I know. How about yours? Hope you will find your happiness. =)

Aiya, be brave a bit la.

After so many days after STPM, I am still stuck in my house without a job. Seriously I start to get bored with everything in my house.
Currently I am having a cold war with my mum and that is why I am desperate for a job. I wish I can go back and study form sixth again. At least I know I will be happier in that way.
It is torturing not to twist and turn my brain for a super long time.
During cold war, I tried to find what causes this to happen. I guess the main reason is that I am too lazy to find a job outside and yet I am lazy to do house chores.
It looks like my mum starts to force me to choose between these two things in her own way. So at last, I unwillingly choose to find a job outside.
On positive side, I will have a golden chance to earn some money but that is not the main purpose. What I need is freedom. I saw a quote on TV. It is in Chinese but I tried to translate it in English.

“Freedom is something that needs you to have self-discipline and self-confidence before you get it.”

I guess I am not self-disciplined and confident enough to deserve freedom. I should be confident and brave to overcome my phobia to uncertainties. I sincerely hope that working outside will make my life more colorful.

I am so going to get a job!

Thanks. =)

Can't believe I am so calm right now.
I should not blame them anyway. If I were they, I might do the same thing as well.
They thought a lot on the consequences and impact on me.
Although it's more or less the same. Haha.
Anyway thanks. =)

My friend told me something just now, which I already knew last time.
It's proven that my instinct quite accurate also. Be careful of me.
Maybe it's because I already have some "mental preparation". Hehe.
Let's talk about my feeling at that time.
First, GREAT DISAPPOINTMENT. Honestly.
Then, angry. Why they didn't tell me?
Last, luckily I still able to calm down and think for awhile.
For me, right or wrong is not that important anymore.
Every one do make some silly mistakes in their life.
What I usually is...
1. Express your sadness. Don't hide it inside. Cry if you think necessary. Cry at a dark corner if you are shy. ;)
2. Try to get a conclusion and try to get a solution. *There are no solution for some matters la.*
3. You got a lesson. You have there something worthy of memory now.
4. This is the last and most important step. Don't regret. No pain no gain ma.

Since you already knew this, why still you having these hard feelings?
Yes. I already knew that, but that's only my guessing. Aiya, confirmation is still required ma.
Now it's confirmed. I shall accept it. That's what I learnt last time.

All of us had a tough time. And I would thank them. Thanks for taking good care of my feelings.
Lastly I would like to apologize if I did anything wrong on you.
If you see this, just forgive me only la.
If you still can't forgive me, perhaps you would change your mind when you see this.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.
Suzanne Somers

Every tear drop is a waterfall

Two days after STPM.
Today I am going to tidy up my room and keep all my books inside a box.
My sister falls sick again. My parents brought her to the doctor.
And I am HOME ALONE. Again.
I woke up at 7.30am, hang clothes, watch TV, played piano for 15 minutes maybe?
Then I am here in front of the computer and blog.

I just downloaded a song called “Every tear drop is a waterfall” by Coldplay.
After listening to this song my holiday mood came back for awhile.
Honestly I don’t understand what they are singing when I heard this song for the very first time.
But I like the rhythm and beat.
I like Chinese songs, English song and some Japanese songs too but not Korean song.
Just don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I am jealous of their good-looking face?

Part of the lyric of the song is here:
“I turn the music up,
I got my records on.
From underneath the rubble sing a rebel song.
Don't want to see another generation drop.
I'd rather be a comma, than a full stop.”

The last sentence impresses me.
Form 6 is a comma for me. =)

Another part is here.
“As we saw, oh this light
I swear you emerge blinking into
To tell me it's alright
As we soar walls
Every siren is a symphony
And every tears a waterfall.”

I become quite optimistic after listening to this part, especially when I sang with the music out of tune.
Luckily there’s no one in the house now.
“As we SSSSAAAWWW……OOOOWWHHHH this light.”
I feel satisfied at that particular moment. XD

At the last part,
“So you can hurt, hurt me bad
but still I'll raise the flag.”
Don’t worry. Currently there is no one is hurting me.
Just in case when I get hurt in future which is unlikely to happen? XD

Holiday!

I saw one of my friend’s blog. OMG, it looks so nice!
Nice drawing. Nice blog skin.
Out of boredom I am going to blog something.

Hey! STPM is history for me now.
No more books. No more study. No more Co-co activities. No more study. =)
But too bad at the same time,
No more schooling. No more chitchatting. =((
*PS: I miss the chitchatting session the most.*

Time flies so fast. One and a half year of Form 6 life is over.
And unfortunately I already start missing form 6 just after only one day!
And I still have a few months to pass.
STPM is over and yet no one asks me for outing. =(

Feel like doing something meaningful. But I can’t think of any.
I hate the feeling when I don’t use my brain for a long time,
But I hate the feeling when I “over think” and get emotional MORE!
The only I sooth myself is telling myself that
“Unlike mathematics, there’s always something that you can never solve in your life.”
It might sound a bit passive,
But that’s what I have to or forced to in other words,
This is so that I can get rid of the feel of guilt in the past.
And move on. Warh. Why suddenly I sound so emotional?

Now I start to have some inspirations. Hehe.

I want to go for mountain climbing. Any mountain will do.
It usually will calm my heart down. And my brain will feel extremely fresh.
I feel protected walking inside a mountain.
And I feel like being hugged by someone. Maybe it’s Mountain god?
And I feel like I can tell all the wrong things that I did last time.
And she will definitely listen and forgive me by keeping quiet.

I want to have a nap lying on a field. Any field will do.
If I am an element of group one and stress are valence electrons,
Then the field would provide me enough first ionization energy to ionize and oxidized spontaneously into a free uni-positively charged “Choky” ion
Move randomly in aqueous form.

A trip! Anywhere will do.
I don’t want to stay at home.
At home, “Choky” ion will be in lattice structure and unable to be a charge carrier.
I won’t let this happen!
I will pray so that someone would plan a trip and ask me to go.

I want to watch a movie with lots of actions, a comedy movie and a movie that able to make me cry. (I know there is a lot out there.)

All I have now is plan. But I need activation energy. Keke.

Old Time Story.

Old time story.

My grandma passed away.
It was a morning when I was forced to go Kepong Baru pasar with my mum.
Soon we got a call saying that grandma just passed away.
Shocked. Went to school to mohon cuti.
4 hours to Penang.
When I reached there, there was coffin with my grandma inside.
They applied face make up on her. Now, still, I don't like it.
They should let us to see her face, a face we are familiar to look at.
Which enables us to recall what she did for us last time.
During our journey back to Penang, my parents told my sister and me something I just can't forget.
"Don't cry later. So that she can go for another journey of life peacefully. Somewhere she will live a better life. Don't leave her any regret or worries."
Soon they had a session like reading letter they wrote to show their gratitude towards her.
That was disaster for my family. The content was about her dedication to the family.
Almost everyone cried. But my family and I tahan our tears so hard. Luckily we managed to do so.
That night I cried. Silently. Without being noticed.
Reminds me of her smile when we reach Penang for Chinese New Year festival. Accepting Ang Pou from her hands. And before we go back, she will give us some sweets and biscuits to eat.
Had a very special feeling. My subconscious just don't remember that she passed away.
Having many questions. Where did she go? Where's my ah ma?
I am not very close to my ah ma. But why am I having a sad feeling?
Just so strange.
Now I accepted. She has to rest. She is now heading towards another part of her life.
She needs to move on.
She did so much for us and what we should do now is give our sincere blessing to her.
May you live well. Thank you for your contribution.

下辈子，无论爱与不爱，都不会再见。

Outing plz!

Went to I-city. Yeah. A nice trip.
And the very first trip with 6B2.
some from 6B1 and 6B3. Didn't talk to them anyway. Not because of Class-ism.
But, just... no topic to talk about only la.

Went there by Wei Chun's car with Xuan Hui and Yvonne.
And Yi sen drove his car "insanely".
Talked crap... Everyone laughed.
And the consequences is used too much energy to talk crap.
Became moody. Miss my friends again.
And the scenery reminds me of my past. And my mistake i did. =(
Next time must control my "crapidity".

FULAMAK!
One week is over! And I still haven't touch my book and start doing my homework.
Cheh~ One week only ma. Still 6 more weeks! Relax la.
Cannot leh. Yumcha-ed too many times. Must control la.
What the heck la. Go with friends only ma. Somemore go mamak only. Not clubbing also.
Form 6 ma. Must study hard! I wanna get 4 flat.
Walau! Next year baru STPM la. Now study also will forget one la! Now relax next year study la! STUPID! Last minute study baru effective ma.

This conversation shows bizarreness and boredness I'm having now.
Somebody save me! I wanna go out yumcha!
With condition that there're someone who can fetch me out of here.
PLEASE!