亲情，友情，爱情

猜测

是我目前做着，也是我唯一能够做的事。

担心，也是徒然。

仿佛是一名弱者，静静地等待被宰割的那一刹那。无可适从。

在背后，假装的殷勤，内心的挣扎，口是心非。

我在干吗呀？！如此折腾自己。

找事来烦。

真

没有半点隐藏。

跟着她，没有别的，就只有她。

不虚假，不虚伪，不装模做样。

连说话也是。做事也是。笑的时候也是。

可以说是小孩子似的真。

因此，我开始思索，

我到底应该扮演怎样的角色。

哥哥

不越界，甚至没有界限。

承诺，对她而言，纯粹只是一个负担或压力。

拖累她未来的人生。这样的话，我宁愿不要。

我希望我只是一位无名氏。

从旁静静地看她走她自己要的人生。

摆脱幻想回到哥哥的岗位，虽有不舍与不甘但没有后悔

芽

刚刚从种子培训营回来，获益良多。之前的我，其实还犹豫，挣扎，到最后的逃避。
因为我不坚强，无法接受过失，原谅不了自己。
我知道了，但我一直觉得有心无力。
我过不了我自己的那一关。自己是最大的敌人。
遇到人群，害怕不敢上前。童年阴影依然烙在脑海里。

这一次营里，俊霖老师带的一个课程里，播放了种子的照片。
心里有一点温暖，开始回温。从社会的冷酷无情中，找到了温度。
原来，我在学舍至少有度过如此美好的一段童年。
回想起来，感慨万分。看回自己小时候的笑容，我却想哭了。
写到这里，一切都在无言中。

人生，就只有一条路。
死路！！
所以需要全力以赴地活下去。
我没有做到，懒！！

种子背负了巨大的期望，使命。
但我担心，我是否能承担的起？
当我听到，做人要顶天立地时，眼睛淹水了。
感觉到，我似乎辜负了对我的信任与期望。
小时候，我就是弱者。悲伤，失望，甚至是绝望。
所以我害怕别人对我的期望。
因为我承担不起啊!我担心我会辜负了别人对我的信任与期望。
然后对我绝望，过后我跟着绝望。
我想保护我那一分微薄的自信与尊严。
如果不保护，就没了。

但因缘不待人，时间不等人。无情但这是事实。
茫然，无助，渺茫。
没有谁能够帮到我，除了我自己。
种子的使命。我竟然没想过这个。还自称种子！！
该打屁屁了。

该想想，人生该有的态度了。

Hesitate

Exam..... still going on...
my brain suddenly filled with knowledge...
and I know after the exam, my brain will start to reformat everything.
already a few weeks I didn't go to shopping
go for any outdoor activities...
and right now worse....just go to school at morning...
come back home and study...FOR THE EXAM.
Oh my god, this 3 weeks i feel my life just for study....
study for EXAM. To get a good result for my PARENTS not for me.
why I am so lazy? i think maybe it's bcoz of my gene....
Gene is the main cause just like what Bu Yeow said.

i am so... shy... sometimes....
so usually don talk to others who i don noe.
not refuse to talk to them....but shy....or in other words... scare.
I realised this during ACA...
when Sir Colin talked to me, WALAUA!!!
SCARE!!!! plus Sir don really like shy person.
maybe i think i am a "shameful thing" in my heart.
and i really scare of those girls
we don noe each other but the girl talk to me...
first i will get shocked and dun noe how to react....
stand at there....plus my english is quite poor.
haiz....my ENGLISH is REALLY POOR!!!

i have a crush with a girl...
but then...i just hide my feeling deep in my heart
bcoz....again shy aka scare
scare rejected by her if she knows what i feel
no confidence...i just repeat the same question...
keep on asking the same question...
HOW?HOW?HOW?
at last i get a conclusion
IMPOSSIBLE la!!

and i like silient.... no people...
alone... nothing in my mind....
complete silient...listening at music sometimes.
i like to be ALONE...
for me it's the only time i have my dignity....
my confidence...no one looking at me....
point at my bad...say about me....

i dun wan others to talk bad about me...
but i understand and just let it be.
i always do wrong things and i dun noe.
the worse is i call others not to the mistakes i did before
which i am still doing it....
perhaps what i need is mirror...
looking how sinful i am.
that why people talk bad about me...
i dun noe but i didn't blame them...
bcoz i am the one who did the mistakes
so i am the one who need to change
but i didn't!!!I hate myself!!!
ARGHH!!!
WTF!!!
this make my life sucks like shi*!!!

what's my job in this world?
i did nothing but bring all bad things come to this world.
what have i done?








*blank*






Exam makes my life meaningless...
i dun like people who think they're the most important in the world
these people are useless!!!they bring nothing except ego.
they are worse than a kid who perhaps more humble and wiser than they are
i would rather choose the kid to be in my life if i can choose...
they might be the HERO not only in his heart and also in the world.
but they are ZERO in my soul.
They are noobs who don noe how to be humble, or rudely, they are stupid idiots.
why they want to live their life in such a bad way?
they just think what they did is right...refused to listen to others...
deny his own fault, and don wan to apologize on the mistake they had done.
TOO BAD!!!
i will not respect them...if forced i will PRETEND to respect them.
can u feel the anger in my words?
i hope they will apologize on their behaviour.
many people advise, tell, scold or even scream on them.
they just keep on sleeping and ignore what others say.
they will never wake up!!
HOLY ****!!!
i want to kick them out and i will if i can.

p/s: This post is not subjected on anyone.Thank you.

100 thruths

001. Real Name: Ooi Chok Dong
002. Nickname(s): Choky Dong...Choky Dong Dong Dong..Chocolate Donkey...
003. Age: 17 years old
004. Horoscope: Sagittarius
005. Male or Female: Male
006. Elementary: Tadika Pelangi, Johor
007. Middle School: SJK(C) Desa Jaya.
008. High School: SMK BSD 2
009. College School: Dun noe
010. Hair colour: Black
011. Long or Short: Short
012. Loud or Quiet: Depends
013. Sweats or Jeans: Not sure
014. Phone or Camera: Phone with camera
015. Health Freak: Yeap
016. Drink or Smoke: Neither
017.Do you have a crush on someone: Yes
018. Eat or Drink: Both.
019. Piercings: No.
020. Tattoos: No.
021. Social or Anti-Social: I dun think so
022. Righty or lefty: Righty
023. First piercing: No.
024. First relationship: Not yet.
025. First Best Friend: Lim Zhen Song
026. First Award: 3rd when I was Standard 3.
027. First Kiss: Havent yet
028. First Pet: No.
029. First Big Vacation: Singapore
030. First Love at first sight: Nope...
031. First Big Birthday: 1 years old
032. First Surgery: Never!!
033. First sport you joined: Soccer gua I think

This or That
034. Orange or Apple juice: Orange juice
035. Rock or Rap: Rap
036. Country or Screamo: Country
037. NSYNC or Backstreet boys: Backstreet boys
038. Britney spears or Christina Aguilera: Britney
039. Night or Day: Night
040. Sun or Moon: Moon
041. TV or Internet: TV
042. Playstation or xbox: xbox
043. Kiss or hug: Hugs.
044. Iguana or turtle: Turtle
045. Spider or bee: Bee. hardworking?
046. Fall or spring: Spring
047. Limewire or iTunes: iTunes
048. Soccer or baseball: Neither...badminton only.

Currently
049. Eating: No
050. Drinking: No
051. Excitement level: 40%
052. I’m about to: Blank
053. Listening to: No.
054. Plan for today: Go to Travis's b'day party
055. Waiting for: "her"
056. Energy Level: 50%
058. Want kids?: Not now
059. Want to get married?: In future gua
060. When?: When i am fated to be.
061. How many kids do you want: Err....3 gua i think...LOLX^^
062. Any name on the mind: Travis
063. What did you want to be when you were little: Doctor, to save ppl?bullsh*t
064. Careers in mind: i haven't think about it.
065. Mellow future or wild: Huh???
066. Something you would never try: Kill "her"?
067. When do you want to die: when it's time...

Which is the better in the boy/girl you like (in the future)
068. Lips or Eyes: Eyes
069. Romantic or Funny?: Romantic
070. Shorter or Taller?: Not too tall
071. Protective or Caring?: Caring
072. Romantic or Spontaneous?: Romantic
073. Nice Stomach or Nice Arms?: Nice arms
074. Sensitive or Loud?: Neither.
075. Hook-up or Relationship?: Relationship
076. Trouble Maker or Hesitant?: Neither
077. Muscular or normal: Normal
078. Kissed a stranger: No
079. Broken a bone: No.
080. Lost glasses or contacts: No.
081. Ran away from home: No.
082. Held a gun/knife for self defence: No lah!
083. Killed somebody: No!!
084. Broken someone’s heart: No one falls in love with me also.
085. Had your heart broken: Yeap
086. Been arrested: No.
087. Cried when someone died: No, maybe.
088. Liked a friend more than a friend: Ya..

Do you believe in
089. Yourself: No.
090. Miracles: No.
091. Love at first sight: No.
092. Heaven: Ya
093. Santa Claus: No.
094. Tooth Fairy: No
095. Kiss in the first date: No
096. Angels: No.

Answer Truthfully
097. Is there 1 person you want to be with right now?: Yeap..."her" la!!
098. Are you seriously happy with where you’re in life now?: Not really
099. Do you believe in God?: Yeap.
100. Post as 100 truths and tag 10 people.

The last one I'm lazy to tag others....plus I dun really like to talk to others...
except those I really know.

crap~~

Long time didn't update my blog because I got nothing to write.Besides that, I am quite busy and lazy this few days.

I joined the Perbarisan Pengakap. Although I am noob in perbarisan, but at least better than Yong Tick. Yong Tick joined scout for 5 years but sadly, he sometimes don't know which side is the left and which side is the right. LOLZ....a bit meng"xiasui"kan pengakap. Sorry Yong Tick!!

This is our last year. I mean in my school not in my life. This year the Perbarisan we did formation bunga pecah.

We trained for...I think got more 12 hours. That's we are not bad in perbarisan...at least better then BSMM. Alyf held the first meeting as we already trained for 9 hours. I feel proud about it because we sacrifised so much time in training and getting better and better.

Our troop leader, Ken Chia is the commander. Unfortunately, his voice is not clear and loud enough. He still need to learn from Mindy Choo, the previous TL of 152th. Mindy Choo is a female and Ken is a male but Mindy's voice is much louder then Ken's voice. Meng"xiasui"kan golongan lelaki. Before we form the formation, Ken should shout "Baris akan menbentukkan formasi bunga PECAH.Cepat Jalan!!". But what Ken Chia shouted is "Baris akan menbentukkan formasi bunga LUCAH.Cepat Jalan!!"LOLX...Again, m"xiasui"kan golongan TL. Joking la!!

Still got 2 months before percubaan, but I haven't do anything like study yet. So lazy la...!!
Hate myself la...why so lazy!!
Why? Why? Why so LAZY?

After Exam....

^_^
Exam for 3 days is over.....
Quite okay. Except for BM, Moral and Bio lo...
in BM paper section B if I'm not mistaken, the Bina Ayat is so hard!!
i dun understand the words also...like lewah...
Never mind. Dun really care about it...

Now i am really worried about my English la...
I'm so poor in English...
say sHallow as sWallow...
Tai Bei some more want us to do the ICAS English Paper...
luckily I'm not registered to take the paper...
cause I'm gonna waste RM 20...
it's really really hard...

lazy to type...
just simply upload pictures la....
long story....
if u wanna noe about it....go have a look at Travis Tai's blog...
link= http://nooneknowstravis.blogspot.com/
(Penang!! part 1)....tagged by Travis and continued by BuBu...


just 2 pictures...so sorry...
tat's all...TATA!!

"selected student"

Last week i went to skull as usual...
but not Thursday and Friday.
Thursday I went to University of Malaya for an exhibition.
i forgot what it called already.
Maybe is Penyelidikan Rekacipta Inovasi 2009.
actually I'm not interest in Rekacipta....
Just to skip Pn Tigerbeer's class which is extremely boring for me.
My friends and I went to there by Mr Kala & Pn Koh's car.
Mr Kala drove his car really slow man.
maybe his car is a new car, plus the traffic is....jammed.
once we reached there, we waited for a student's mother...
who is a lecturer there.
she talked a lot about her half-a-million project...
Hak Reproduktif which I don't interested as well.
and i don't know how they spend all the $$.
we walked here and there.Looking around.
Victoria Institution and SMK(L) Methodist's presentation not bad.
When we asked them what's their form, they answered form 3.
all of them are form 3 boys!!*shame*
and one thing is SJK(C) Lick Xing's exhibition.
not bad la.very good for a primary skull student.
and they talked in english.
haiz...shame....form 5 le still cannot talk in english properly.
after this we went to AIE.
there are some foreign students from all over the world.
the lecturer somemore introduced us like top student in BSD.
"They are from BSD.They study in A class and selected to come to UM."
but the truth is....anyone who register may join the trip, not through selection.
by the way we are "selected students".

The Auditorium

The Resource Room

The Meeting Room

Guest Room

Padang
I took this picture just for fun=)

how about Friday?!!
it's road run.
all my skull's student have to run...
BUT i am not one of them.
then?What i do?
FIRST AIDER!!actually is a fake one la.
as i know nothing about first aid also.
at the end Jia Jian and I just controlled the traffic only.
no one injured also!!

Pose!!

Jia Jian

......??

STOP!!

Turn Your Head Please...

Puan Nibrasul Huda and JJ Lim

Puan Nibrasul Huda and I

that day got registration also.
but it suck!!!
All of us have to Q up to register for coco activities.
but got so many people cutting the line...
p/s i am one of them who cut the line..LOL

at 2.30pm I got tuition somemore....2.30 till 8.
really tired.almost faint.
oops!!i forgot something!!
yesterday(16/1/2009) is my sister birthday!!

The Birthday Cake

My Sister

wow...so many things happen in this two days...
=)