Take Responsibility for Your Result

Currently I am working as a part time tuition teacher for primary school kids. You might have some really tough time when doing this job if you cannot control the kids.  For me, try your best to control the kids before they lose control. If failed, then control them back by losing control. XD

Some of my students are having exam this week. Few days ago, a mother came towards me and discussed about academic performance of her boy and how he behave in my class. At last the mother asked me a question :"So,  I hope my boy get good result in exam. No problem right?" I answered :"Err... depends on your boy's performance during exam?" Then she walked away without saying anything. I know that answer will disappoints her, but there is no point giving her false hope also ma.  I can't even guarantee myself excellent result, how can I guarantee your son to get good result? It is your son who take the exam, not me.

Honestly in primary and secondary school life, I get good result to please my parents. Until the first time I face a great failure in my life, suddenly I realized all I have is Buku Rekod with A's written inside. I felt that I am over protected by my parents. I cannot imagine days without them. I am not independent! How can I survive when they die? And they will certainly die one day.  I was extremely worried about my future. 

Luckily there is someone who told me to learn to be responsible of my life. She told me :"Live for yourself, not others, not even your parents. They can't accompany you for the rest of your life. Be independent. Make decision in life by your own and be responsible on every decision you made. You are not who you think you are, but who you want to be." 

I am grateful to have such a wise person to tell me these. Thank you very much! You taught me what is need to be a responsible person and I will try my best to be one. 

Essay =S

Yesterday night I got a call from MK .

"Hey, did you check your inbox for NTU outcome a?"

"Huh? So fast meh?"

"Yeala. Come out already. Go check. Y got accepted. I got rejected, WC also. "

"Apa? Rejected? I'm outside now. I go check later."

"Okay. Later tell me result ya."

Almost all the pro students in my class got rejected. Therefore, I got a feeling that I won't get a place. When I opened the message, my eye quickly skimmed through the text looking for the word either "accepted" or "rejected". At last, I got neither "accepted" nor "rejected" but a word "regrettably". Aiya, I failed.

I am not sure whether they feel regret on this, but I am sure that I am not! I was disappointed and sad for no reason for awhile. But I am alright now. Hehe. I applied, they rejected, then I appeal. I have to write 50 words for them. *Sakit kepala*

Everytime I open an application form for a scholarship, I will scroll down to last part to see whether they require an essay. Seriously, I hate ESSAY-WRITING! *Blogging is the only exception.* I have to imagine I am an ideal student and think like a holy person. And one thing for sure is that never write things that are morally unacceptable.

For example,
"Why would you apply this scholarship?"

For some who are fearless they will write "Money". This answer is not wrong, just.... inappropriate? For a coward like me, sadly I have to crack my head for some time and slowly come out with some APPROPRIATE words. So sad when I type this.

Anyway I do not blame them for asking us to write the god-damn essays. They could not be our friends for couple of weeks to truly understand us and our personality. Essay is the only way and the easiest way for them to understand us before interview sessions.

What to do? Accept the fact and slowly come out with essay ba! =S

Happiness or Money? ;(

Went out for a swim with BC, Yang and also Bubu yesterday since our Beloved Agong gave us a holiday. I tried so hard to swim like they were that time, but failed. But next time I will! Haha. Then Yang reminded me that I didn't blog for quite a long time.

Okay, talk about how did I do few months ago. I got my STPM result and I am quite... satisfied with it, eventhough it is not a perfect 4 flat result. What makes me surprised is that I got A for Maths T! I had a hard time cracking my head to solve math questions and I was super-duper nervous at that time. It was a nightmare and it was on my birthday too. Never mind, at least it makes my birthday so unforgetable for the very first time. *It is the first time I received a birthday card and SMS. One birthday card and one SMS would be enough for me already. THANKS!* XD

Soon after getting my result, I would have to apply for local universities. Normally people choose their courses based on their interest. Too bad I have not found my interest yet so I choose the other way round. I cancelled out all the courses that I am not interested in and this way is much much way easier for me. What is left are ENGINEERING, APPLIED PHYSICS, PURE SCIENCE. I took a long time to decide what should I apply and at the mean time, my parents kept pushing me. It annoys me and we even argued on that. Luckily it is over now. *phew*

There is something different in application system this year. Last time we have 8 choices and just throw in whatever courses you want. This time, we have 4 choices for Research U and 8 choices for what I called "less-wanted universities". You might think "Holy crap! You should be grateful that you actually have 12 choices this year." This is bullshit. For me it limits me to put only 4 choices for RUs. I aim for RU courses. Before this, I actually wanted to try for acturial sciences and engineering. However I only have 4 choices and I was in a dilemma.

ACTURIAL SCIENCES OR ENGINEERING?

For me, what enginnering attracts me is the knowledge and what acturial sciences attracts me is money. Looks like everyone wants to get into Acturial Sciences and usually only 4-flat-ers able to get a seat secured. Sometimes I imagined how my life will be in future. If I were given a chance to choose between happiness or money, which one will I choose? Quite a realistic question. Even my relative asked me to consider for taking acturial science telling me that I will be wealthy in future.
I left the question unsolved until my father insisted to show me an article on a chinese newspaper. It was about a person who pursued Acturial Sciences and earned a lot. However he was unhappy so he resigned and went for.... Sorry I forgot what he did after that. What he said is that "Choose your interest instead of money, because when you have the interest in your work, eventually you will earn a living through your work. "At last I gave up on Acturial Sciences and now I sincerely hope that I will not regret on the decision that I have made.

HAPPINESS OR MONEY?

The answer might be obvious for some people who I know. How about yours? Hope you will find your happiness. =)

Aiya, be brave a bit la.

After so many days after STPM, I am still stuck in my house without a job. Seriously I start to get bored with everything in my house.
Currently I am having a cold war with my mum and that is why I am desperate for a job. I wish I can go back and study form sixth again. At least I know I will be happier in that way.
It is torturing not to twist and turn my brain for a super long time.
During cold war, I tried to find what causes this to happen. I guess the main reason is that I am too lazy to find a job outside and yet I am lazy to do house chores.
It looks like my mum starts to force me to choose between these two things in her own way. So at last, I unwillingly choose to find a job outside.
On positive side, I will have a golden chance to earn some money but that is not the main purpose. What I need is freedom. I saw a quote on TV. It is in Chinese but I tried to translate it in English.

“Freedom is something that needs you to have self-discipline and self-confidence before you get it.”

I guess I am not self-disciplined and confident enough to deserve freedom. I should be confident and brave to overcome my phobia to uncertainties. I sincerely hope that working outside will make my life more colorful.

I am so going to get a job!

Thanks. =)

Can't believe I am so calm right now.
I should not blame them anyway. If I were they, I might do the same thing as well.
They thought a lot on the consequences and impact on me.
Although it's more or less the same. Haha.
Anyway thanks. =)

My friend told me something just now, which I already knew last time.
It's proven that my instinct quite accurate also. Be careful of me.
Maybe it's because I already have some "mental preparation". Hehe.
Let's talk about my feeling at that time.
First, GREAT DISAPPOINTMENT. Honestly.
Then, angry. Why they didn't tell me?
Last, luckily I still able to calm down and think for awhile.
For me, right or wrong is not that important anymore.
Every one do make some silly mistakes in their life.
What I usually is...
1. Express your sadness. Don't hide it inside. Cry if you think necessary. Cry at a dark corner if you are shy. ;)
2. Try to get a conclusion and try to get a solution. *There are no solution for some matters la.*
3. You got a lesson. You have there something worthy of memory now.
4. This is the last and most important step. Don't regret. No pain no gain ma.

Since you already knew this, why still you having these hard feelings?
Yes. I already knew that, but that's only my guessing. Aiya, confirmation is still required ma.
Now it's confirmed. I shall accept it. That's what I learnt last time.

All of us had a tough time. And I would thank them. Thanks for taking good care of my feelings.
Lastly I would like to apologize if I did anything wrong on you.
If you see this, just forgive me only la.
If you still can't forgive me, perhaps you would change your mind when you see this.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.
Suzanne Somers

Every tear drop is a waterfall

Two days after STPM.
Today I am going to tidy up my room and keep all my books inside a box.
My sister falls sick again. My parents brought her to the doctor.
And I am HOME ALONE. Again.
I woke up at 7.30am, hang clothes, watch TV, played piano for 15 minutes maybe?
Then I am here in front of the computer and blog.

I just downloaded a song called “Every tear drop is a waterfall” by Coldplay.
After listening to this song my holiday mood came back for awhile.
Honestly I don’t understand what they are singing when I heard this song for the very first time.
But I like the rhythm and beat.
I like Chinese songs, English song and some Japanese songs too but not Korean song.
Just don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I am jealous of their good-looking face?

Part of the lyric of the song is here:
“I turn the music up,
I got my records on.
From underneath the rubble sing a rebel song.
Don't want to see another generation drop.
I'd rather be a comma, than a full stop.”

The last sentence impresses me.
Form 6 is a comma for me. =)

Another part is here.
“As we saw, oh this light
I swear you emerge blinking into
To tell me it's alright
As we soar walls
Every siren is a symphony
And every tears a waterfall.”

I become quite optimistic after listening to this part, especially when I sang with the music out of tune.
Luckily there’s no one in the house now.
“As we SSSSAAAWWW……OOOOWWHHHH this light.”
I feel satisfied at that particular moment. XD

At the last part,
“So you can hurt, hurt me bad
but still I'll raise the flag.”
Don’t worry. Currently there is no one is hurting me.
Just in case when I get hurt in future which is unlikely to happen? XD

Holiday!

I saw one of my friend’s blog. OMG, it looks so nice!
Nice drawing. Nice blog skin.
Out of boredom I am going to blog something.

Hey! STPM is history for me now.
No more books. No more study. No more Co-co activities. No more study. =)
But too bad at the same time,
No more schooling. No more chitchatting. =((
*PS: I miss the chitchatting session the most.*

Time flies so fast. One and a half year of Form 6 life is over.
And unfortunately I already start missing form 6 just after only one day!
And I still have a few months to pass.
STPM is over and yet no one asks me for outing. =(

Feel like doing something meaningful. But I can’t think of any.
I hate the feeling when I don’t use my brain for a long time,
But I hate the feeling when I “over think” and get emotional MORE!
The only I sooth myself is telling myself that
“Unlike mathematics, there’s always something that you can never solve in your life.”
It might sound a bit passive,
But that’s what I have to or forced to in other words,
This is so that I can get rid of the feel of guilt in the past.
And move on. Warh. Why suddenly I sound so emotional?

Now I start to have some inspirations. Hehe.

I want to go for mountain climbing. Any mountain will do.
It usually will calm my heart down. And my brain will feel extremely fresh.
I feel protected walking inside a mountain.
And I feel like being hugged by someone. Maybe it’s Mountain god?
And I feel like I can tell all the wrong things that I did last time.
And she will definitely listen and forgive me by keeping quiet.

I want to have a nap lying on a field. Any field will do.
If I am an element of group one and stress are valence electrons,
Then the field would provide me enough first ionization energy to ionize and oxidized spontaneously into a free uni-positively charged “Choky” ion
Move randomly in aqueous form.

A trip! Anywhere will do.
I don’t want to stay at home.
At home, “Choky” ion will be in lattice structure and unable to be a charge carrier.
I won’t let this happen!
I will pray so that someone would plan a trip and ask me to go.

I want to watch a movie with lots of actions, a comedy movie and a movie that able to make me cry. (I know there is a lot out there.)

All I have now is plan. But I need activation energy. Keke.