Charlie the demon.

Charlie might be a name of a friend, might be a title of a movie. But in USM, it is the name of a terribly horribly stupid insects. It brought a very nice present when we first met. 

BEWARE! It can be quite disgusting for some people. 

A pustle! 

                                    

I put on some antibiotic cream on it. Hope it will get smaller and smaller as soon as possible and leave me no scar! *pray hard*

Just talked to my father through phone. I was alright when I talked to him. However when the conversation came to an end, after I said "bye" and no sound comes out from the speaker, my tears just roll down my cheek. 

I wish I can go back to the time when I can meet my parents and sister everyday, eat food cooked by my mum, watch television at night. I will not get online for too long, I will drink a lot of water, I will drive slowly, I will have my breakfast and lunch on time, I will... Argh! I just miss them so much now. And to my friends who undergo same thing as I do, stay strong and we shall meet each other soon! All the best! 

First day!

Hmm... it's already one month ago since I last updated this blog. So many things happen in this month.

At first, my father separated with us and went to Johor for his work, alone and unwillingly. This makes me think of value of family and importance of money. I had some hard times to get used to a home, without my dad living inside. And so does he, had some hard times to get used to a house, without his family member living inside. Seriously thought of asking my dad to give up his job and just come back. But it is not possible until the time when I have a job.

Next, I got UPU offer to Universiti Malaysia Sabah *dammit*. I had a chance to go oversea to study in field that I am interested in, but due to some very complicated and annoying reasons, I had to give up that thought. Wish I did not know anything about it. Very sadly, I hurt my parents especially my mum at that time. I felt very bad and hoped to get someone to blame on. Sincerely sorry for my childish behavior and my desire to grab something not belongs to me at that time. It's my fault to become so greedy at that time. 

Then, finally, I got offer from USM for electronic engineering. And now I am in USM hostel, after endured the orientation week (P/S: one time is enough for me). Today is my first day and later will be going for my first lecture like a adult. *excited * And I have only 2 hours lecture (2 p.m. to 4 p.m.) on my very first day! Envy? Haha! Now I think I already ready for a new chapter in my life. Hope everything will okay and fine.

“There were times of hardship when people forget the courage they need to keep fighting; and survive. But I think as long as we have something to believe in; to keep close in our hearts, courage will never truly leave us. We only have to reach deep in our heart to find it.” 
― Sakura

I am going to fight 'till the end! Stay stronger and live well, to everyone who I miss so much and to myself too! =)

Last day as a tuition teacher

Last Monday was my last day working as a tuition teacher since the end of March. Until now it is just four months time. It passed so fast, feel macam sekejap sahaja.

"Today is the last day I become your teacher. Next time I won't be teaching you all anymore. Mr XX will become your teacher next month."

"Huh? Why teacher you don't continue teaching us?"

"Because your teacher, I, have to enter university next next month and I will study there for 4 years. I won't be able to teach you that time."

"If like that, why don't you go study one month come here teach one month la!"

"Where can be like that? I have to focus on study ma. "

"Teacher you really cannot teach us any more a? I very scare of Mr XX le. "

"Ya lo! Me too!"

"Teacher, can you teach us after you finish studying?"

"You have to wait for four years oh. That time you already a standard five kid. "


After saying these words, honestly my eyes were wet for a while. And so many questions came out in my mind.

Will they excel in their studies? What will they be after four years? Will they still remember me at that time?

Kids have short term memory. It is a gift for them and that is what makes them so cute and adorable. In fact, I know they will forget me after some time. But never mind! As long as I remember you all then it would be enough. We always have to look to the front. =')

I am grateful and honoured to become your teacher eventhough just for four months time. Thanks for the sweet memories. =)

Hope of a son and a father

     When I was a primary school boy, my father usually drives me to school. Every time right before I step into the school, I will start to miss home, for sure. As usual, I will wave my hand to my father for awhile. Sometimes when I get really homesick, I would even watch him drives away his car until it gets away from my sight. After accepting the fact that I was abandoned by my parents and here alone in school, then I walked to my classroom, at a very slow pace, with tears rolling in my eyes. Sounds romantic huh? It's proven that I am a very emotional person since I was a boy. ;)

Hope of a son

                One day, if I'm not mistaken, I was a standard four student. I forgot why I get so "emo" that day and my dad walked into school with me. Soon, I hugged my dad and started to cry, hoping my dad would pity me and bring me back home. I cried for some time and others were looking at me and my dad. After some time, I stopped crying and walked to the classroom. Then my dad crushed my hope by leaving the school for his job. Even though it is quite funny, but frankly that's a feeling that I could not forget, even after so many years. A sad feeling deep inside my heart, even words cannot explain that feeling.

Hope of a father

                I guess my dad felt the same on the day he had to go to Johor for his job alone. From his eyes, I know he really hoped that he does not have to go so far away from his family. I wish I would not have to disappoint him, like what he did last time.

                

Two slightly different stories but with a same ending. Without my father beside me, I had my worst father's day this year. Argh, I just miss him so much now. *sigh*

Take Responsibility for Your Result

Currently I am working as a part time tuition teacher for primary school kids. You might have some really tough time when doing this job if you cannot control the kids.  For me, try your best to control the kids before they lose control. If failed, then control them back by losing control. XD

Some of my students are having exam this week. Few days ago, a mother came towards me and discussed about academic performance of her boy and how he behave in my class. At last the mother asked me a question :"So,  I hope my boy get good result in exam. No problem right?" I answered :"Err... depends on your boy's performance during exam?" Then she walked away without saying anything. I know that answer will disappoints her, but there is no point giving her false hope also ma.  I can't even guarantee myself excellent result, how can I guarantee your son to get good result? It is your son who take the exam, not me.

Honestly in primary and secondary school life, I get good result to please my parents. Until the first time I face a great failure in my life, suddenly I realized all I have is Buku Rekod with A's written inside. I felt that I am over protected by my parents. I cannot imagine days without them. I am not independent! How can I survive when they die? And they will certainly die one day.  I was extremely worried about my future. 

Luckily there is someone who told me to learn to be responsible of my life. She told me :"Live for yourself, not others, not even your parents. They can't accompany you for the rest of your life. Be independent. Make decision in life by your own and be responsible on every decision you made. You are not who you think you are, but who you want to be." 

I am grateful to have such a wise person to tell me these. Thank you very much! You taught me what is need to be a responsible person and I will try my best to be one. 

Essay =S

Yesterday night I got a call from MK .

"Hey, did you check your inbox for NTU outcome a?"

"Huh? So fast meh?"

"Yeala. Come out already. Go check. Y got accepted. I got rejected, WC also. "

"Apa? Rejected? I'm outside now. I go check later."

"Okay. Later tell me result ya."

Almost all the pro students in my class got rejected. Therefore, I got a feeling that I won't get a place. When I opened the message, my eye quickly skimmed through the text looking for the word either "accepted" or "rejected". At last, I got neither "accepted" nor "rejected" but a word "regrettably". Aiya, I failed.

I am not sure whether they feel regret on this, but I am sure that I am not! I was disappointed and sad for no reason for awhile. But I am alright now. Hehe. I applied, they rejected, then I appeal. I have to write 50 words for them. *Sakit kepala*

Everytime I open an application form for a scholarship, I will scroll down to last part to see whether they require an essay. Seriously, I hate ESSAY-WRITING! *Blogging is the only exception.* I have to imagine I am an ideal student and think like a holy person. And one thing for sure is that never write things that are morally unacceptable.

For example,
"Why would you apply this scholarship?"

For some who are fearless they will write "Money". This answer is not wrong, just.... inappropriate? For a coward like me, sadly I have to crack my head for some time and slowly come out with some APPROPRIATE words. So sad when I type this.

Anyway I do not blame them for asking us to write the god-damn essays. They could not be our friends for couple of weeks to truly understand us and our personality. Essay is the only way and the easiest way for them to understand us before interview sessions.

What to do? Accept the fact and slowly come out with essay ba! =S

Happiness or Money? ;(

Went out for a swim with BC, Yang and also Bubu yesterday since our Beloved Agong gave us a holiday. I tried so hard to swim like they were that time, but failed. But next time I will! Haha. Then Yang reminded me that I didn't blog for quite a long time.

Okay, talk about how did I do few months ago. I got my STPM result and I am quite... satisfied with it, eventhough it is not a perfect 4 flat result. What makes me surprised is that I got A for Maths T! I had a hard time cracking my head to solve math questions and I was super-duper nervous at that time. It was a nightmare and it was on my birthday too. Never mind, at least it makes my birthday so unforgetable for the very first time. *It is the first time I received a birthday card and SMS. One birthday card and one SMS would be enough for me already. THANKS!* XD

Soon after getting my result, I would have to apply for local universities. Normally people choose their courses based on their interest. Too bad I have not found my interest yet so I choose the other way round. I cancelled out all the courses that I am not interested in and this way is much much way easier for me. What is left are ENGINEERING, APPLIED PHYSICS, PURE SCIENCE. I took a long time to decide what should I apply and at the mean time, my parents kept pushing me. It annoys me and we even argued on that. Luckily it is over now. *phew*

There is something different in application system this year. Last time we have 8 choices and just throw in whatever courses you want. This time, we have 4 choices for Research U and 8 choices for what I called "less-wanted universities". You might think "Holy crap! You should be grateful that you actually have 12 choices this year." This is bullshit. For me it limits me to put only 4 choices for RUs. I aim for RU courses. Before this, I actually wanted to try for acturial sciences and engineering. However I only have 4 choices and I was in a dilemma.

ACTURIAL SCIENCES OR ENGINEERING?

For me, what enginnering attracts me is the knowledge and what acturial sciences attracts me is money. Looks like everyone wants to get into Acturial Sciences and usually only 4-flat-ers able to get a seat secured. Sometimes I imagined how my life will be in future. If I were given a chance to choose between happiness or money, which one will I choose? Quite a realistic question. Even my relative asked me to consider for taking acturial science telling me that I will be wealthy in future.
I left the question unsolved until my father insisted to show me an article on a chinese newspaper. It was about a person who pursued Acturial Sciences and earned a lot. However he was unhappy so he resigned and went for.... Sorry I forgot what he did after that. What he said is that "Choose your interest instead of money, because when you have the interest in your work, eventually you will earn a living through your work. "At last I gave up on Acturial Sciences and now I sincerely hope that I will not regret on the decision that I have made.

HAPPINESS OR MONEY?

The answer might be obvious for some people who I know. How about yours? Hope you will find your happiness. =)

Aiya, be brave a bit la.

After so many days after STPM, I am still stuck in my house without a job. Seriously I start to get bored with everything in my house.
Currently I am having a cold war with my mum and that is why I am desperate for a job. I wish I can go back and study form sixth again. At least I know I will be happier in that way.
It is torturing not to twist and turn my brain for a super long time.
During cold war, I tried to find what causes this to happen. I guess the main reason is that I am too lazy to find a job outside and yet I am lazy to do house chores.
It looks like my mum starts to force me to choose between these two things in her own way. So at last, I unwillingly choose to find a job outside.
On positive side, I will have a golden chance to earn some money but that is not the main purpose. What I need is freedom. I saw a quote on TV. It is in Chinese but I tried to translate it in English.

“Freedom is something that needs you to have self-discipline and self-confidence before you get it.”

I guess I am not self-disciplined and confident enough to deserve freedom. I should be confident and brave to overcome my phobia to uncertainties. I sincerely hope that working outside will make my life more colorful.

I am so going to get a job!

Thanks. =)

Can't believe I am so calm right now.
I should not blame them anyway. If I were they, I might do the same thing as well.
They thought a lot on the consequences and impact on me.
Although it's more or less the same. Haha.
Anyway thanks. =)

My friend told me something just now, which I already knew last time.
It's proven that my instinct quite accurate also. Be careful of me.
Maybe it's because I already have some "mental preparation". Hehe.
Let's talk about my feeling at that time.
First, GREAT DISAPPOINTMENT. Honestly.
Then, angry. Why they didn't tell me?
Last, luckily I still able to calm down and think for awhile.
For me, right or wrong is not that important anymore.
Every one do make some silly mistakes in their life.
What I usually is...
1. Express your sadness. Don't hide it inside. Cry if you think necessary. Cry at a dark corner if you are shy. ;)
2. Try to get a conclusion and try to get a solution. *There are no solution for some matters la.*
3. You got a lesson. You have there something worthy of memory now.
4. This is the last and most important step. Don't regret. No pain no gain ma.

Since you already knew this, why still you having these hard feelings?
Yes. I already knew that, but that's only my guessing. Aiya, confirmation is still required ma.
Now it's confirmed. I shall accept it. That's what I learnt last time.

All of us had a tough time. And I would thank them. Thanks for taking good care of my feelings.
Lastly I would like to apologize if I did anything wrong on you.
If you see this, just forgive me only la.
If you still can't forgive me, perhaps you would change your mind when you see this.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.
Suzanne Somers