祝福你，生日快乐！

今天是我妹妹的生日。

每一年的这个时候，爸爸会与妈妈讨论如何给她一个惊喜。往往都是会由一方带她到外面去，然后再由另一方匆匆忙忙地去蛋糕店买一粒蛋糕。之后回家躲在楼下的小书房，将蜡烛插在上面，手握着打火机。当听见篱笆门打开的声音，赶快将蜡烛点上，心里暗暗雀喜。正当妹妹回来走进家里的当儿，见到蛋糕上的烛光，脸上就会出现一丝微笑。接着，我们就会唱着生日歌，吃蛋糕，仪式就算是结束。

说真的，几乎每一年我与妹妹的生日都有着几乎同样的惊喜。虽然如此，我们的心还是如小孩一般，期待着父母如何给我们这么一个惊喜。

我们的反应依然就如第一次那样高兴，仿佛每一次都还是让我们感到欢喜不已。无论重复了多少次，我们都不曾说他们老土。

我的父母就是那么的可爱。

去年的今天，我们都不知道那或许是我们自小慢慢长大以来父母给的最后一个，一模一样的惊喜。

然而，今年的今天她没有蛋糕，没有蜡烛，没有惊喜，得到的是一道从电话中传出来自爸爸的祝福。她今天只是对着电脑，静静地在面子书上回复朋友留下的祝福。她什么也没说，就这样静静地度过她一年最特别的日子。但是，这份安静却让我感到，十分的伤心与难过。

或许是时候，学习适应这一刹那的无助感了。

Going back home soon!

Always wanted to conclude my university life after one semester. 

Family and loneliness. 

It is the first time I leave my home for so long. 

Sometimes I got to have my dinner alone.
The food become tasteless when I miss time when I could have dinner with family last time. 

Sometimes I got to study on my table alone.
Study life becomes pointless when I miss time when I could study in front of television despite scolding. 

Sometimes I go to toilet alone. (Hey, you no say? )
The smells can be extremely annoying when the smell of poop mixed with second-hand smoke. 

Sometimes I got too stressed and could not fall asleep. 
Time will goes by so slowly and I would wondering what would appear in their dreams while my family member are sleeping?

But you know what? I already got used to it after all. *Victory!*

Friends relationship. 

There are so many kinds of people in university. It's like a small society here. 

There are people who hang their underwear on your clothesline. *Yucks!*
There are people who do not sleep and blasting their loudspeaker. 
There are people who scream, talk loudly or quarrel during midnight.
They should get a life. Seriously. == 

Last time I hate people who approach someone when they need his/her help and dump him/her after that. 
They are just exploiting those intelligent one by using them to maximum advantage. 

However I do not hate them now and I forgive them. 
This is because I did the same things as well, sometimes but not so obvious and not so extreme la!
And I always show my gratitude by saying thank you to them and really appreciate their help for my assignment. 
Sincerely I promise I will let them to copy my assignment if I have the chance. :P

After all, I miss babi-s. They are with me for so long and they didn't dump me. They are always there, just because they are my friends. 

And lastly I would thanks those I know since form sixth. No one could understand how supportive she is and how dependable he is like I do. 

Afraid and determination. 

After I enter university, I am constantly worried about only two things, which are "this things" and "that things". *Sorry for being lame...* 

That's why I study so hard in university, so that I won't have to worry about my results. I strive for the best and leave no regret. 

I always heard seniors say that you should enjoy your university life. Unfortunately I don't really enjoy and failed to find the real way to enjoy it. Hope I will in next semester. 

C'est formidable! 

After sitting exam for so many days in a row, now I left only the last exam which is French. 
Then what's coming up next is one-month-holiday! Weee! 

Wish me good luck ! :)

Charlie the demon.

Charlie might be a name of a friend, might be a title of a movie. But in USM, it is the name of a terribly horribly stupid insects. It brought a very nice present when we first met. 

BEWARE! It can be quite disgusting for some people. 

A pustle! 

                                    

I put on some antibiotic cream on it. Hope it will get smaller and smaller as soon as possible and leave me no scar! *pray hard*

Just talked to my father through phone. I was alright when I talked to him. However when the conversation came to an end, after I said "bye" and no sound comes out from the speaker, my tears just roll down my cheek. 

I wish I can go back to the time when I can meet my parents and sister everyday, eat food cooked by my mum, watch television at night. I will not get online for too long, I will drink a lot of water, I will drive slowly, I will have my breakfast and lunch on time, I will... Argh! I just miss them so much now. And to my friends who undergo same thing as I do, stay strong and we shall meet each other soon! All the best! 

First day!

Hmm... it's already one month ago since I last updated this blog. So many things happen in this month.

At first, my father separated with us and went to Johor for his work, alone and unwillingly. This makes me think of value of family and importance of money. I had some hard times to get used to a home, without my dad living inside. And so does he, had some hard times to get used to a house, without his family member living inside. Seriously thought of asking my dad to give up his job and just come back. But it is not possible until the time when I have a job.

Next, I got UPU offer to Universiti Malaysia Sabah *dammit*. I had a chance to go oversea to study in field that I am interested in, but due to some very complicated and annoying reasons, I had to give up that thought. Wish I did not know anything about it. Very sadly, I hurt my parents especially my mum at that time. I felt very bad and hoped to get someone to blame on. Sincerely sorry for my childish behavior and my desire to grab something not belongs to me at that time. It's my fault to become so greedy at that time. 

Then, finally, I got offer from USM for electronic engineering. And now I am in USM hostel, after endured the orientation week (P/S: one time is enough for me). Today is my first day and later will be going for my first lecture like a adult. *excited * And I have only 2 hours lecture (2 p.m. to 4 p.m.) on my very first day! Envy? Haha! Now I think I already ready for a new chapter in my life. Hope everything will okay and fine.

“There were times of hardship when people forget the courage they need to keep fighting; and survive. But I think as long as we have something to believe in; to keep close in our hearts, courage will never truly leave us. We only have to reach deep in our heart to find it.” 
― Sakura

I am going to fight 'till the end! Stay stronger and live well, to everyone who I miss so much and to myself too! =)

Last day as a tuition teacher

Last Monday was my last day working as a tuition teacher since the end of March. Until now it is just four months time. It passed so fast, feel macam sekejap sahaja.

"Today is the last day I become your teacher. Next time I won't be teaching you all anymore. Mr XX will become your teacher next month."

"Huh? Why teacher you don't continue teaching us?"

"Because your teacher, I, have to enter university next next month and I will study there for 4 years. I won't be able to teach you that time."

"If like that, why don't you go study one month come here teach one month la!"

"Where can be like that? I have to focus on study ma. "

"Teacher you really cannot teach us any more a? I very scare of Mr XX le. "

"Ya lo! Me too!"

"Teacher, can you teach us after you finish studying?"

"You have to wait for four years oh. That time you already a standard five kid. "


After saying these words, honestly my eyes were wet for a while. And so many questions came out in my mind.

Will they excel in their studies? What will they be after four years? Will they still remember me at that time?

Kids have short term memory. It is a gift for them and that is what makes them so cute and adorable. In fact, I know they will forget me after some time. But never mind! As long as I remember you all then it would be enough. We always have to look to the front. =')

I am grateful and honoured to become your teacher eventhough just for four months time. Thanks for the sweet memories. =)

Hope of a son and a father

     When I was a primary school boy, my father usually drives me to school. Every time right before I step into the school, I will start to miss home, for sure. As usual, I will wave my hand to my father for awhile. Sometimes when I get really homesick, I would even watch him drives away his car until it gets away from my sight. After accepting the fact that I was abandoned by my parents and here alone in school, then I walked to my classroom, at a very slow pace, with tears rolling in my eyes. Sounds romantic huh? It's proven that I am a very emotional person since I was a boy. ;)

Hope of a son

                One day, if I'm not mistaken, I was a standard four student. I forgot why I get so "emo" that day and my dad walked into school with me. Soon, I hugged my dad and started to cry, hoping my dad would pity me and bring me back home. I cried for some time and others were looking at me and my dad. After some time, I stopped crying and walked to the classroom. Then my dad crushed my hope by leaving the school for his job. Even though it is quite funny, but frankly that's a feeling that I could not forget, even after so many years. A sad feeling deep inside my heart, even words cannot explain that feeling.

Hope of a father

                I guess my dad felt the same on the day he had to go to Johor for his job alone. From his eyes, I know he really hoped that he does not have to go so far away from his family. I wish I would not have to disappoint him, like what he did last time.

                

Two slightly different stories but with a same ending. Without my father beside me, I had my worst father's day this year. Argh, I just miss him so much now. *sigh*

Take Responsibility for Your Result

Currently I am working as a part time tuition teacher for primary school kids. You might have some really tough time when doing this job if you cannot control the kids.  For me, try your best to control the kids before they lose control. If failed, then control them back by losing control. XD

Some of my students are having exam this week. Few days ago, a mother came towards me and discussed about academic performance of her boy and how he behave in my class. At last the mother asked me a question :"So,  I hope my boy get good result in exam. No problem right?" I answered :"Err... depends on your boy's performance during exam?" Then she walked away without saying anything. I know that answer will disappoints her, but there is no point giving her false hope also ma.  I can't even guarantee myself excellent result, how can I guarantee your son to get good result? It is your son who take the exam, not me.

Honestly in primary and secondary school life, I get good result to please my parents. Until the first time I face a great failure in my life, suddenly I realized all I have is Buku Rekod with A's written inside. I felt that I am over protected by my parents. I cannot imagine days without them. I am not independent! How can I survive when they die? And they will certainly die one day.  I was extremely worried about my future. 

Luckily there is someone who told me to learn to be responsible of my life. She told me :"Live for yourself, not others, not even your parents. They can't accompany you for the rest of your life. Be independent. Make decision in life by your own and be responsible on every decision you made. You are not who you think you are, but who you want to be." 

I am grateful to have such a wise person to tell me these. Thank you very much! You taught me what is need to be a responsible person and I will try my best to be one.